Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Happy Birthday my baby

There's this Mama I know that totally puts my work ethic to shame. She's the mama bird that lives with her babies in the eaves trough next door. I just watch her and feel tired! Every moment of every day I see her fly out of the nest and return to chorus of chirps and cheaps. I'm not sure how many babies she has but they sure are loud when she comes back with food! 

Coco reminds me of a baby bird. Always ready to eat and so dependent on her Mama. This past year it was her dependence on me that forced a change in my character. That, and my utter love for that chubba bubba. Before she came along Steve and I were quite free to indulge whatever desire we had and do whatever we wanted to do basically. Once she arrived though, my life simplified. I had one task: keep our new baby alive! I found motherhood more sanctifying than getting married in that regard. Probably because my lifestyle so drastically changed in an instant. Honestly it was the hardest thing ...and I definitely wasn't prepared for it. Every day felt like ground hog day and I thought I was going to lose my mind from lack of adult interaction and from looking at the same four walls day in and day out. I wasn't prepared for that because motherhood was my dream! My whole life I had dreamed of being a mother in an almost romantic way so when it was incredibly hard at first, I felt shocked, upset at myself, overwhelmed and tired. I had expected to have a baby and still be able to do all the things I did before. Just with a baby strapped to me. Corrie was not that kind of baby though - she loved her schedule and her own bed and hated the car with a passion! Therefore, trips out were few and far between in those first months.

Thankfully, God gives the grace needed in every stage of life. It became clear He gave me a baby to reveal my selfishness and other sins I wasn't as aware of. I realized how much I relied on my job as a nurse for my identity and purpose. I realized what a gift it was to have minimal distraction to commune with God. Before Corrie came along I never spent an entire day at home, now that's usually all I do (since we have one car). I realized I had been running, running, running and needed to just stop! I appreciated the focus Corrie now gave to my life. Focus on my role as a wife and mother and focus on my relationship with God.
Tomorrow is Corrie's birthday. This time last year I was in labour and had no clue how my life was about to change. Thankfulness for her and God's perfect plan is what I feel when I reminisce about this last year. I love being able to be a Mom! Happy birthday Cocos.
This picture makes me laugh. I just had to share it with the world.